Check Out the Trailer

I have not laughed so consistently at a movie is ages. And I’m talking the kind of laughing that you cannot control. Some filmmakers would love to hear that start a review of their film — the filmmakers of SHEENA probably won’t. There is a special place in my heart for movies as bad as this one. They provide such endless entertainment that I find them vastly enjoyable.

As a young child, Sheena’s scientist parents are killed in a cave in and she becomes the promised golden child who will save the Zambuli tribe of Africa. The village’s Shaman (Elizabeth of Toro, THINGS FALL APART) takes in Sheena (Tanya Roberts, A VIEW TO KILL) and teaches her the secrets of the Zambuli, which includes talking to animals like you have a really bad migraine and you have to pinch your forehead to help ease the pain.

Once you get past the inherent racism of a blonde, white girl as the prophesized savior of an ancient African culture, you can enjoy the rest of the film. Prince Otwani (Trevor Thomas) is a star football kicker in the U.S., who comes back to Africa to kill his brother King Jabalani (Clifton Jones, CHINA MOON) and then marry his beautiful wife Zanda (France Zobda). Who the heck becomes a star as a kicker? Anyways, sports reporter Vic Casey (Ted Wass, TV’s BLOSSOM) ends up capturing the assassination, which the Shaman is set up for. During a big super slow paced prison break, Vic meets Sheena, who he instantly falls in love with.

First and foremost, the acting is so awful. Roberts plays the material like its Shakespeare and poorly at that. But she is an Oscar winner compared to Zobda, who I have to believe is reading her lines phonetically and does not understand a word of it. Wass is his typical sitcomy self.

The direction from John Guillermin (1976’s KING KONG) is either clichéd or laughably mistimed. There is one shot when Vic and his cameraman Fletch (Donovan Scott, POPEYE) arrive on the wrong floor that you’d swear would have been filmed the exact same way in a NAKED GUN flick. Flamingos are just funny and cheesy by nature and for them to play a huge heroic role is about as funny as the film gets.

I also cannot believe this film is rated PG. Roberts gets totally naked and bathes. As innocent as the scene is, a flipped Tarzan-Jane fantasy is strongly hinted at. Oh, the wonderful days of the early 1980s before “wardrobe malfunctions” ruined any chance of nudity in family entertainment. Plus the music is so over dramatic that if you close your eyes you’d might think you’re watching CHARIOTS OF FIRE. It’s a bomb for sure, but it’s as harmless as a toy stick of dynamite.